As January comes to an end, we may be nearing a jumpstart for 2022.  I suspect this blog will not be read past next week so I will pass on the COVID context.  We certainly have been stress tested to the brink as the Omicron variant spiked cases daily but we’re weathering the pandemic and the schoolhouse has remained open.  It will continue to remain open for that matter…

This past Tuesday we held our monthly school board meeting, and one segment involved public comment where members of the community get an opportunity to address our board of trustees.  One gentleman suggested we “inhale God, exhale fear,” another gentleman sported a shirt that read “triggered” and shared his concerns about the political indoctrination of students by public education, and a woman shared her concerns that parents must now “rescue the children and save the children from our public education system.”  It was a high energy forum for sure and you can catch all the highlights here.  We were also reminded by one speaker “that no evil deed would go unseen” and we need to acknowledge our “evil schemes.”  The city mayor spoke on this night and retold the expression that our world is divided into wise people and fools – he suggested we please “carry on” and reminded the community that we have “great teachers, great staff, great board members…”  And I recalled during all of this the message my own son delivered during the previous board meeting as part of a student learning showcase.  He shared with board members some of the principles about culture they have been studying at his school, including his personal favorite “attitude of gratitude” which is a reminder to seek the positives from every experience.  This message helped put things in perspective even during such unusual remarks.

I mentioned some time ago I was back in school, and I will be finishing this latest journey in a few weeks.  My next step in theory is to lead a school district and I got some stern words from my lead professor – he said “if you are tired of people telling you that you would make a great superintendent, it is indeed time to become a superintendent.”  I had another professor also reach out to me because he wanted to make some introductions.  This week is the big statewide convention for TX K-12 administrators and aspiring administrators – kind of a mix of bona fides, up and comings, and self-promoters.  It is the latter group that has always deterred me from attending.  However, given the wisdom of a recent fortune cookie, the simplest answer is to act and I decided to make a course correction and attend the event for the first time. I got up this morning, worked for a bit, and then got on the road headed to Austin. 

Sometimes an emphatic no is the last step you have to take before jumping in with two feet.

~Frank Reagan

It rained most of the way down and a winter advisory is in the forecast for the return trip.  Or as The Weather Channel bluntly announced:  “Winter Storm Landon is set to spread a big mess of snow, sleet and freezing rain from the Southern Rockies to the Plains, Midwest and parts of the Northeast as February begins.”  I think I’m being tested on my attitude of gratitude.  And, I imagine some of the other 750K statewide K-12 staff might be feeling the same way. 🙂 

As the title may suggest, I’m still recovering from my latest adventure.  In rather calculated impulsivity (if there is such), I booked a flight last Thursday for a Saturday flight to Orlando, FL, and then drove home.  There was a severe wind advisory at liftoff in DFW and for the record, liftoff made an impression on all those aboard, including myself.  Touchdown in sunny Orlando increased the temperature about 40 degrees and decreased wind shear to windless.  That trip took about 2.5 hours; the comeback trip tipped north of 13 hours of continuous driving on a Sunday after making small inroads the night before.

In reflection, I still blame THIS ARTICLE for making me stir crazy – maybe next year I’ll look back and say thank you.  Maybe in time I’ll come to realize perfect timing is the way of unicorns and the end of rainbows.  My impromptu trip was largely driven by an attempt to prepare for and better control a future I largely cannot.  While I was driving back, I realized I’m pretty good at these long solo treks and that I don’t want to get too good.  School folks as a subset of everything else are battling current conditions like everyone else.  This latest round of pandemic is pushing new buttons and new boundaries.  Both my boys have missed school this month due to testing positive and their ability to not fall behind in their studies is largely dependent on their own resilience.  In conversations with our superintendent as recently as today his goal is to keep schools open unless we are completely unable, and I completely agree.  He’s even gone so far as to campaign connections matter this year in efforts to unify and reunite.  While self-isolation is a recommended pandemic response, it’s not too different from social isolation.  And I suspect there is a laundry list of unintended consequences that have occurred over the last two years.   

So on my drive back I spent a lot of time reflecting.  I didn’t have satellite radio set up, so I was using the FM seek button often as I crossed 5 states.  I decided along the way I was going to buy Adele’s latest CD, which arrived today by the way.  When I teased my wife that I would maybe let her borrow it she laughed it off while pointing out we have Apple Music.  When I stopped at an Auto Zone just outside of Jackson, MS, for new windshield wipers the kid that helped me was chatty and knowledgeable and since it was just me and him in the entire store, I slowed down the conversation and asked him about his next steps.  He shared with me he graduated from high school last May but had to delay college plans for now given his situation.  Based on my research, he’s certainly not alone in that decision.  But he was hopeful and helpful and I was encouraged by our chance encounter.  I met another character in Rayville, LA, at a gas station/casino/bait shop when I had to fill up.  My wife would suggest these are my peeps and any place that offers live bait alongside burritos and beef franks must be legit.  There’s also a pizza place in Rayville I took my son to once on our frequent escapades, probably in large part due to fond memories I was attempting to share – Johnny’s Pizza House – you have to try the SWEEP THE SWAMP.  Lifted straight from the menu description:  “Hankering for some Cajun spice? It’s got that too.  How about a taste of crab or shrimp?  You read our minds!  All of that and some jalapeños, onions, and delicious mozzarella cheese and you’ve got yourself a crowd favorite.”  My final stop along the way was a do-it-yourself carwash in MacTown before arriving home.

2,200 Miles, Roundtrip, One Weekend, One Flight, One Car (and one lifetime to make a difference).  I’ve never been more proud of the work public educators do – my random travels to all parts continue to remind me of their impact.

My original title for this post was “Laugh, Think, Cry” but I decided to shuffle a bit since my first born and I were in cheese country recently (more on that shortly).  For those not familiar with Jimmy Valvano, take the time to watch this special clip please…

JimmyV

“How do you go from where you are to where you want to be?”

Jimmy Valvano won the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award in 1993 at the inaugural ESPYS and delivered his famous “Don’t give up … Don’t ever give up!” speech.  He said during that speech that he would fight his brains out to be back the next year but unfortunately, he lost his battle with cancer two months later.

Jimmy V’s speech is a sure fire tear jerker – along the way he tells us you should laugh, think, and cry every day.  His perspective is powerful and prophetic.  I was exactly 17 when I watched Jimmy V give that speech live – at the time I likely thought he was a super cool dude.  With age, I now better understand how extraordinary his speech was – Jimmy V made tidal waves.  For whatever reason, I remember this event vividly even as it was only a couple of months before I graduated from high school.

For those who don’t watch the clip, Jimmy V basically boogered up his most important pep talk in his early days of coaching.  And as for Green Bay, my oldest and I recently flew into Milwaukee to check on a prospective school.  During that time, I turned my little friend onto a speech I have personally long found insightful and powerful:

Admiral William H. McRaven

“If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.”

The University of Texas is another school we are considering and I thought it was important for him to hear the message from this alumnus. 

As we wind down 2021, I’m reminded of the title of this post and the rhetorical question I suspect Jimmy V asked.  Christmas time has grown hard for me due to loss and my wife is very good at sensing when I’m drifting and distancing.  She’s even better at redirecting and focusing on the positives.  I hope all educators take time this holiday to reconnect with those they lose sleep over.  I hope collectively we take time to absolutely do nothing with those we love the most (as in you do nothing together).  And I hope reflection is a part of this break.  I suspect many times during the day I lose votes for dad of the day but I’ve never been more proud of my two offspring and for very different, unique, and personal reasons.  Both proved their mettle this semester and it gives me great hope for the future (and my credit card :).  I have a principal buddy who’s a Baylor Bear and ironically my oldest and I were on college tours when they beat Texas and then Oklahoma State in the Big 12 Championship.  We watched both games at out-of-state restaurants and I texted the principal often during both.  My sister was a Baylor Bear and even though this Christmas marks year 12 in her absence and her husband was a huge Packers fan, I’m learning family and religion heal all wounds.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

We’re less than four months away from Read Across America Day, and something tells me 2022 will be different! I feel like I have more than one full-time job these days so I’m not going to sign up for more controversial debate just yet. Theodor Geisel left us some time-honored gems – he left us some others that likely time no longer honors. For those familiar – “I can read it all by myself” – were the beginner books I grew up on. Dr. Seuss seems to have fallen into a current benign while others gain attention…

I have never been one who loves to read or loves books but I love knowledge and consequently I’m still codependent.  My wife and boys all are avid readers – I wish I could be like them sometimes.  I had a colleague nickname me “the condor” many years ago to highlight my bookish, researcher style.  Again, I’m not prone to enjoy any publication cover to cover but I’m very good at quickly scanning its contents for needed info (and yes, I tend to start at the end of the jacket and work my way forward).  I spend most days with 20 tabs open on my browser while I shop a topic – maybe to me one book means one browser and one tab…

Yesterday my wife and her mother spent the day shopping at a home and garden show.  Along the way my missus managed to win us an egg – as in a Big Green Egg!  She called me right after she got the call letting her know and while the house still needs to be paid off the green egg was a pretty dang exciting free addition.  It’s been a splurge purchase item we’ve discussed for years and never splurged.

As for the ham, it turns out I’m the only one in our household that likes it.  I tried to get fancy and mimic a healthier Egg McMuffin breakfast sandwich for my boys in the morning only to get a text later that read “dad I don’t like ham.”  I clarified it wasn’t ham but Canadian bacon but before I could intercept I got “dad I don’t like Canadian bacon either.”  On a lighter note, my kids don’t particularly care to eat paper either…

I hated eggs as a kid (not loving them these days either necessarily) – my youngest has more of a similar opinion.  We both eat eggs now (kinda – sort of).  People change as they evolve.  Some are quicker to change than others.  My wife and oldest love eggs – but as a collective family of four green eggs and ham is a tough sell.  And that’s okay.  The fact that Green Eggs and Ham is now shock talk makes me wonder as I talk to my oldest about Rock Chalk and their offer to attend.  Rock Chalk is code speak for Kansas University peeps and they are recruiting my kiddo.  This new college courtship we’re collectively dancing through will turn out great.

I’ll close with another author who tends to generate some reaction.

 “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” `Mark Twain

I’m outside of COVID confines for the first time in what feels like an eternity but more closely represents a year and a half off.  I am attending a work conference close to Austin at a new venue I’m not entirely sold on – it’s plenty nice but overmuch by my estimates.  It feels like you are eating a 2-pound burger just to say a 1/4-pound was wimpy.  And I just got an automated text from the front desk that they were sad to see me go but I was invited to use the waterpark until close!

Last night I stayed up a bit to catch up on work matters and the background infomercial was GetBreeze.com. If you hurry, like in the next 20 minutes, you can own this personal “most advanced airbrush tanning system” and be well on your way to Cabo, or Cancun, or Costa Rica as a perfectly tanned, fooling no one, vacationer.

As full confession, I fell for the GetBreeze shtick – not tanning per se but on the hurry up to achieve the most advanced.  I’ve decided I need to write a book for parents for what not to do in planning for your kid’s college – I feel like I’ve missed every step up to full panic mode which is where I find myself these days.  It’s a wonder…

Embroiled in all this drama my youngest turned 16. I was actually in town for the event but what my wife and I planned for the wow factor occurred while I was college searching with my oldest. I pulled the once in a friendship’s lifetime card and asked a “cool” friend of ours to accompany my Sweet 16 (I wrote about him in my last blog – not the friend, he’s really not THAT cool – my son) to a concert I could not attend. It was my son’s first ever concert and our family friend was the best family friend you could ever have asked for in such an event. Even sweeter was the buddy my kiddo surprisingly ran into…

It was an event that just kind of became organic, from my duo arriving early enough and finding friends to the bitter late which the show afforded.  On most days, I want to be the quasi-cool dad but for this evening, I fully signed over the power of attorney.

As school folks, how many of those lifelines are we pitched?    It’s a wonder sometimes why we insist on competing with ourselves.  I’ve spent the better part of 3 days surrounded by K-12 professionals at various stages of their careers after a long pandemic pause for such events.  I thought the vibe would be different but it felt remarkably familiar.  It’s a wonder but maybe it’s worth wondering.  I had a principal reach out to me yesterday and I stepped away from the event to take the call.  We talked for a bit and then caught up on our own kids.  By the end of the call I was sharing with her my college cost calculator because she’s got two years before the same exercise.  I told her I’m going to write that book I mentioned above on the whole experience one day – I’ll probably have to self-publish 🙂 – but it’s a wonder who might benefit from a little benevolence.

My youngest turns 16 this weekend.  I’ve been writing more about my kids here lately and maybe that’s because they’re getting older and I’m growing less young.  My to-be 16-year-old has always been a bookworm and even when we declared “lights out” on any given evening, we found surprises…

My work has taken us to three different states thus far and my wife and I remember one event in another state vividly.  Our boys were newly enrolled as a 2^nd grader and a 4^th grader.  Sometime soon thereafter I was requesting a teacher conference for my youngest.  He had apparently run afoul of teacher policy by ditching recess and getting chummy with the librarian instead so he could check out some books.  Apparently, this was a no no and his teacher at the time dressed him down for running rogue.  By the time I caught wind of the gist of the story it was too late to slow me down.  During my parent-teacher conference, I point-blank said, “my Alex violated your rules because he wanted to read too much, correct?”  Obviously, I did not engage this teacher’s cooperation but the principal knew I was coming and perfectly timed her intercept about 7 minutes into the exchange.

I share all this because we were living in the state rated number 1 for public education at the time and I was working for the largest school system in the state (the 17^th largest in the US).  My boys had a good enough grade 2 and grade 4 experience in year 1 but we moved them in year 2 to a different school and the difference was night and day.  My message here is leadership matters and strong principals assemble the best teachers.  This absolute tends to be universal so you don’t need to move to benefit from this truth.

Even our puppy talks back to us these days.  What’s up with that?!  And apparently we should be promoting back talk according to this MIT study.  My 16-year-old to be exercised this argument flawlessly today when he shared with me he would “save his breath because any elaboration …ends in metaphorical plugging of ears and using authority to prove our supremacy.”  Parents know there was a lot more to the response and I’ve taken editorial privilege, but in general, it still highlights the schism that lives on between the old and young.  I like my kids so that affords them some liberty when they run their mouths – some liberty.  And then I fall back on a pic like this one below that my superintendent at the time took of me and mister metaphorical at a community gathering…

I’m not sure if sweet sixteen still applies to kids these days – seems to be more drama than I remember.  But pretty much everyone that knows me well will attest my memory is selective.  Happy Birthday Alex – even if you’re restricted from most devices that would allow you to even read this blog.  Our DNA is too much alike so I likely have already channeled the mental message as we speak.…

Hopefully there is a collective bond in this entry’s title that speaks to all sections of society.  The more common rhetoric goes something like a “parent would do anything for their kid.”  Most often, I get to see this assertion prove true.  As school folks, we sometimes land on an opposite end of a parent and when we do we generally schedule a 1:1.  Sometimes these meetings go well and sometimes they do not.

I came across this article by Business Insider about parenting and most of what it had to offer hit my check boxes.  According to the article, these are things we [parents] should be doing with our children:

1. Spend Quality Time Together
2. Talk about feelings
3. Practice coping skills
4. Engage in mental strength exercises
5. Establish goals
6. Take care of themselves
7. Process tough events
8. Review rules
9. Problem solve
10. Play and have fun

So as a parent, what would you not do for your kid?  For me like you, nothing – we would do anything for our kids and school folks as a whole would do anything for their collective kids. I’m amazed most days by the outreach my own two receive from their teachers on matters big and small. And in different ways, their campus administrators look out for them as well.

My wife and I have been intermittently traveling with our oldest in touring colleges.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster on several fronts but it has also been a great experience.  Our son has done his part in taking care of his grades to the best of his ability which leads to our part.

And since I wrote about sleep in my last entry, this sound bite seemed appropriate:

“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world.  But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.” —Ray Romano, actor and comedian

I laughed at this reference and I suspect most parents can relate.  My oldest and I spent this past weekend touring a college – his mom and him spent the previous weekend checking out two others. 

And while it’s a bit dated, this entry from Psychological Science, would suggest parents as a collective force are an instinctual pack.

My weekend trip proved to be an exercise in unpreparedness.  I’m not ready for him to move on and he’s not quite ready for me to move him along, but he’s more ready than me!  The truth is I did not handle this trip that well.  I was essentially tasked with the role of planning for change and I landed on no change.  We drove five hours to get there and five hours back, and tonight we buttoned up an international college application some 2,200 miles away.

I’ve written about Aesops Fables before – this time I’m learning from Bruce Lee:

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

What if?  Why not?

I had a parenting moment last week that probably would never have landed in a book by Benjamin Spock.  I then had to laugh about this related Wikipedia entry “for most of his life, Spock wore Brooks Brothers suits and shirts with detachable collars, but at age 75, for the first time in his life, [his wife] got him to try blue jeans.”  Aside from him being a different Spock and me not being able to flash the live long and prosper sign gesture (my fingers will not cooperate), maybe we have some things in common.

Dr. Spock arguably helped my parents subsequently help me in child rearing through trickle down guidance.  He was also a dude that connected more dots than most and recognized that children needed access to service and support outside the immediate family constellation.  He was not without controversy and to borrow from my closest work mate he appeared to have a “Pa Bud” litmus test, which to other practitioners seemed a bit unscientific.

My work intersects with technology a lot so we often use my kids’ accounts as tests.  One day recently was no different in shopping school-related fees we were trying to assign to high schoolers.  Admittedly, I have relaxed a bit this year on monitoring my kids’ grades so I got all caught up that day and then blew a fuse.

Now mind you my kid’s grades are still very good, but maybe not at the level I expect.  And I unfortunately steamrolled by the time I caught up with my little friend.  I reacted, he then reacted, and the overall reaction was a lesson in poor interactions.  I shared my meltdown with a trusted colleague and she provided me with the truism about wisdom we should learn from child number one before child number two or more come along.  She’s a mom of two daughters and her oldest was engaged to be married.  Insert COVID and plans go berserko.  When patience had run out this couple decided on jetting off to far and away and celebrated their nuptials with those they loved via Zoom.

And this apparently is what it looks like from afar when your first born ties the knot during the pandemic.  I’m glad I’m not my parents.  After all these years, I am starting to understand why they never slept well.  I made normal sleeping complicated.  My own kids now make normal sleeping complicated.

“When the philosopher’s argument becomes tedious, complicated, and opaque, it is usually a sign that he is attempting to prove as true to the intellect what is plainly false to common sense.”

Credits above to Edward Abbey – an American essayist who passed away in 1989.  I could have used his support last week when at the apex of my adumbrating I indeed said “because I said so.”  Hopefully by my journal entry my youngest will be reassured writing absolutely matters, along with every other discipline that gets a grade!      

In April 2001, just past most of March Madness I had the opportunity to see that year’s college basketball’s championship courtesy of my father-in-law.  At the time, I was a rookie school psychologist making $33K while my wife worked retail making about the same.  Flying off to an NCAA Basketball Championship was not in our budget.  But taking a PTO day absolutely was when my father-in-law was springing for the trip!

Four teams made it to this stage – Arizona, Duke, Maryland, and Michigan State.  They played in what was once the Metrodome in Minneapolis, MN.  It was a cool event with plenty of marque players who became future NBA noteworthies.  I was not a diehard college basketball sports fan but I was a sports fan in general and spent the trip star struck on the opportunity (Duke won it by the way).  A few years before when I was in college I got to see the Cameron Indoor Stadium which is Duke’s storied gymnasium.  My wife (girlfriend at the time) was selected to attend an elite dance camp that Duke hosted so I visited and took in the top attractions!  Back to the Final 4, I got to see Coach K, Mike Krzyzewski, who is practically immortal.  I got to see Carlos Boozer, Jay Williams, and Shane Battier in person.  Throw in Chris Duhon and Mike Dunleavy Jr. and you’ve got yourself a national basketball championship.  It was an experience that has made for several retellings…

On the way back after the final game was over, my father-in-law and I along with others boarded a chartered bus back to our hotel.  Somewhere along the line, the bus driver just got lost and riders became restless.  We were all tired as it was late and as the tension grew someone started singing “the wheels on the bus go round and round.”  And I kid you not, full chorus ensued…

I look back on that day often because it reminds me of the power of how simple gestures can channel bad mojo into positive or at least promising patience.  That night back in 2001 many folks had reveled during the game so that added to the tension on our bus ride but the “wheels” singalong struck a common thread in all passengers.

Student transportation is an area I supervise and I can tell you those wheels go more than round and round.  It’s a no fold endeavor because many of our kids need transport to get there.  Yet our drivers receive the best and sometimes worst of behaviors our kids have to offer at times.

If you’re a bus driver reading my blog, thank you.  If you are a student, be nice to your bus driver.  If you are a teacher, remind your students of what I just said (please).  We have so many opportunities to be combative with one another but what my impromptu trip with my father-in-law taught me some two decades ago was we also have so many opportunities to come together and find common interests.  Now more than I ever I would argue we must find ways to make the wheels on the bus go round and round while we’re all on it.   

As K-12 school folks, most of our metrics stop at high school graduation.  I have always tried to push back on this assertion and have actually done some pretty cool research on college matching and college persistence.  One study in particular afforded me the opportunity to partner with the University of Chicago’s Center for Data Science and Public Policy.  The premise for the research, and the question I wanted to answer, was are college-going students going to institutions of higher education that are likely of best fit.  What we found after analyzing tens of thousands of high school graduates was that aside from race disparity gender disparity loomed large.  In a nutshell, my team found that when comparing students of equal academic chops distinguished only by gender that males disproportionately enrolled in more selective universities than females.  This research I led was largely quantitative, so we weren’t trying to answer the why but rather evidence the what.  WHAT we found was when controlling for most variables and all things considered equal, gender was a significant determining factor in college choice.  I’ve written about this interest before and I hope to one day expand on my original study.

On that note, I began this entry with a different title originally and it themed on postsecondary pursuits.  Then I came across this African proverb that perfectly conveyed what I was hoping to describe:

If you want to go fast go alone.

If you want to go far go together.

I’m still complaining my way through going back to school myself and my last assignment involved defining equality, equity, and adequacy.  I didn’t particularly enjoy the assignment because I have some pretty strong opinions about all three constructs.  But what made for a nice reason to procrastinate was helping my first born complete all the necessary e-paperwork for college applications.  He’s a high school senior so we’re knee deep in the process and my strategy is to blitz apply to many and then slow down and review all options.  And I must confess it’s a bit of a rush working the sidelines on all the opportunities that exist – I’m a nervous wreck doing the mental math on every school option but I believe in process and planning and my experience reassures me that if I work both then things work out.    

If you want to go fast go alone.

If you want to go far go together.

Looking back I recognize that early in my career I definitely had my foot on the accelerator.  As I’ve reached some proficient level of “been there done that,” I still want to go fast but recognize I need to find ways to grow the momentum.  Ultimately, I suspect most of us do not change that much and I’m no exception.  But my hope is not so much that I go far because I have some well-earned travels under my belt but that my kids and your kids abandon the notion of doing circles around people and just run flat out straight aways while dragging the rest of us with them.  I hope they instinctively balance going fast while going far.  And I look forward to providing readers with updates next year from snow country, the desert, possibly gulf coast, maybe international, or even the armpit of America.  In the end my kids and your kids can go fast and far and likely keep us collectively still together.