Disconnecting

I’ve spent the better part of this weekend thus far coming to terms with the title of this entry.  To clarify, I’ve been thinking about the implications of disconnecting and not what I would name this entry.

I’m learning as I go like most of you and as I do I’m leaning towards some new understandings.  Disconnecting in my household usually meant a heated exchange and implied the children consequently had restricted access to technology.  We as parents were disconnecting their access…

At the dinner table on Friday night our conversation made me revisit some of our set rules.  This has been an extremely disruptive year and I sense the adhesive on the duct tape is running weak as it tends to do in summer heat.  One of the concerns raised at my dinner table was how to maintain relationships when the opportunity to form them is COVID curtailed.  And at that moment I finally dialed into how hard it really must be for our kids right now.  In all honesty, it has to be overwhelming.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and I passed one school administrator from one campus and a counselor from another; I had to make a scene with both to establish recognitions (we’re all still wearing SAFETY masks). And then it donned on me how much I have failed to understand the impact of this pandemic. My boys have been in-person learners from the start of the year so they’ve had to wear masks for extended periods. I drop my younger son off at school around 5:50 am for swim practice and my older son generally has tennis practice after school until 4 pm. And yet they have to feel isolated in this whole pandemic response.

I read this article in USA Today which had a not so upbeat tagline and addressed the impact these past forever months have had on our kids.  Unfortunately, it’s a paywall site so if you do not subscribe you more likely will not be able to access.  The summary of the article acknowledged stress and depression are on the rise for America’s youth (the world’s youth for that matter) and feelings of isolation loom large.  In it several individuals were interviewed including children and adults.  One finding by a third party group (YouthTruth; it’s an open source and the survey can be accessed here) was that for high schoolers the biggest stressor has been the sense of disconnect from friends and loved ones compounded by the difficulties of focusing on school or work (we don’t talk nearly as much in the school biz about the impact this pandemic has had on our school-aged work force).  The survey data reflects responses from 20,000 students in grades 5-12 sampled across 9 states in the U.S. and to be honest if you study data like I do it hurts the heart.  The silver lining was the prevailing theme that relationships with teachers provided significant comfort amid all the chaos.  If you access the available slide deck on the website one note of mention is slide 34 – “Student-teacher relationships were reshaped in positive ways as teachers took a more personalized approach.”  As a parent of two, I have definitely observed this shift and it’s not to slight teachers but rather spotlight how collectively they’ve upped their A game.  What I may have overlooked or failed to appreciate was “while relationships with teachers improved for some while learning at home, students across the board reported a diminished sense of belonging in their school community” and “the ability to connect with friends received the lowest average rating of all items in the survey.”  We still have a lot of work left to do in reconnecting our youth – this is a challenge all adults must accept.